Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Mystery Date

I found myself filling out one of those date site applications yesterday.

I was very honest, stating what I believe spiritually, politically, morally... what I love to do, what I don't like, what I want to do with my life.... everything.

I sent it off, awaiting my 'perfect' matches... with an assurance if I didn't find some one in six months, I had another six months to try. I mean, can it get any better than that?

I received my matches.... and I wondered what fool had read my application and what drugs they were on when they read it...

There were 10 of them.... six lived in the desert, three put one of their most important possessions as their guns (and I'm pretty sure that wasn't a pet name for their manbits), they owned horses (I'm good with that), and all of them put down that they value physical exercise on a daily basis.

Excuse me?

EXercise?

I mean, I walk and stuff, but, focus on physical exercise as an important thing of their lives? I believe that we get a certain number of heartbeats...how do you want to use them? I may be mushy when I'm 125, but, I'll be 125.

I resigned my membership.... I can't make it with some physical fitness guy with cactus in their yard and a collection of guns.

I'll take my chances on my own from now on.

19 comments:

Solomon said...

There are some folk on dating sites who just jump at any new person who comes on the site. Maybe you had some of them contact you?

Quin Browne said...

sol~these were the matches, not the actual contacts. scary, eh?

harrietv said...

I know only one person -- ONE -- who waas successful with one of those services, and even she had to try more than once.

I can just haar Maurice Chevalier now: "Oh, I'm so glad I'm not young any more..."

coastrat said...

"I resigned my membership..." I can't remember the last time when I have laughed so hard! YOU ARE PRECIOUS, and I mean it!

austere said...

Well, you tried.

Its almost as bad as the matrimonial ads in the Times of India. You have to be lucky.

Yes, taking chances better imho.

vinny said...

Exercise - I swear I thought all women love hearing that. Then they realize the guy is less likely to become fat and ugly with a beer gut. In addition to being healthy.

Am I right/wrong? That's what I always thought! I think these guys you matched, they put exercise there as like almost a gimmick. Because they're thinking what I just wrote above.

the Constantly Dramatic One said...

Hahahaha!!! That resign part got me laughing. But hey, c'mon just give it a go.

You might be able to find someone nice =)

Therapeutic Ramblings said...

I never really understood online dating sites. I mean, I get why people use them....but it seems to go against everything I know about communication. 78% of communication is non-verbal, 15% tone of voice, 7% is the message (Some research cites as low as 55-60% non-verbal).

Anyhow.....though I just know you from your blog, you and a gun lover makes me laugh.

missalister said...

I’m with the headless fuchsia dude. Been there, done that and here’s my two cents: you can order your shoes online and happen to get lucky, but there’s nothing like the in-store experience—you walk into the store, you see the shoes, it’s love at first sight, and you will do anything to get those shoes.

Eve Grey said...

My friend split with her hus a couple of years ago. She joined a dating site & said it drove her nuts how they all seemed to be into extreme sports. Like, uh, no wnoder you're single dude. Anyway, she met a guy on there and they're now happy & living 2gether so sometimes it does work out!

Bud said...

Wow, I guess you have to be ultra specific with those things. Have you given thought to revising your profile? They should have a thing where you can say I'm rejecting this because so they don't make the same mistakes. I know several people who found goods matches. It's possible to make it work I guess or you can just get lucky.

jess said...

I was going to make a point similar to Vinny's. I think guys put that on there so the ladies will think they're all buff and whatnot.

I did the online dating thing for awhile back in the day. I met some really great, and some not-really-great guys. It's kind of like real life, only you have access to more of them all at once.

Quin Browne said...

i really don't think they read my profile.. i state i'm 5'7", and all of the matches were 5'7" and shorter. wtf?

i can see the wanting to pretend you are buff, but, i'd think at some point, the truth would come out..

i'd rather one out of shape man who makes me laugh than a buff guy who bores me to tears.

Peter Varvel said...

I'm with Vinny and Jess. I think Male Ego & Pride makes men LIE about their physical prowess, especially straight men.
I'd be willing to bet that those very same men would be content to sit in front of ESPN every night and let you feed them meat and potatoes and buttery desserts.
And lots and lots of beer.

Loobell said...

See how well I did with my internet shopping!!! It can work the "perfect foil" for you could be just around the corner..... Although I had to chuckle bigly at the idea of you, superman, a cactus and a gun!!
The trouble is most men lie on these sites.. If they say they are 5'7" you can bet they will be 2" shorter 9/10 times. A fitness fanatic is someone who gets up to change the TV chanel instead of using the remote. Extreme sports.. Ironing in the nude. Poetic licence my friend!

Quin Browne said...

loo did luck out. her guy is simply amazing.

Cormac Brown said...

Shudder

Whew, you literally dodged those bullets.

Alone on the Isle said...

There is something about human interaction that the internet simply cannot replace, no matter how smart the damn program is....

There is some man out there desperate to meet you (at a coffee shop, book store, etc), he just doesn't know it yet.

mgirl said...

I love what alone said ,that's perfect we just have to be patient. I'm trying to learn that.

I did the whole online dating, twice. Oh my, the people you talk to and meet. And from what I hear women lie even more than men. If anything it is good writing material.(maybe try an online service where you get to look around and pick, not someone else choosing for you). Good luck!