Sunday, July 10, 2011

It's a Good Day

Time passes, things change, we move forward if we are lucky, stay stagnant if not.

Since my last post, I've gone from NYC to Niwot, to Denver, to New Orleans to Mississippi back to Niwot, Denver and returning to Mississippi in June.  Some of that journey has been a delight, some of it--hard to bear emotionally.  This period of time has drained me physically, mentally... I lay on the bottom of the vale of depression, held from doing anything to myself only by the thin thread of medication.

Well, that and after I figured out I had no desire to be found in a pool of my own body waste, I'd have to forgo eating and drinking for a few days along with taking strong laxatives.  When it became more of a bother to die than to carry on...I chose the latter.

I'm at 'home' now...sharing Mother's cottage in Mississippi...rural Mississippi.  I sleep on a bed that folds up and sits next to hers during the day, one I inflate at night, covering it with good sheets and putting it in the sweet spot of coolness--under the AC vent.  Sophie perches on windowsills, wishing to be outside.  The birds land on branches just beyond her reach, safely protected from her by a pane of glass, and they taunt her with their nearness.  Since she cannot stalk them, she's become the killer of house flies and the occasional roach--eating the first, letting the second lie on it's huge back in the middle of the kitchen floor.  I am thankful she does not bring them to my bed.

Douglass rules all, Mother's beloved pet, her companion.  It was a good decision to leave her here three years ago...they adore each other.

Then, there is Mother herself--bent over now, arthritis and a bad back hobbling her movements.  She's 79 now, and, I can say with hand on heart, I hope she is about for another 10 years.  We've mended bridges, we both now find laughter when one or the other irritates their housemate, she is my best audience, and I am free to be foolish around her.   I like her company.

I've ignored my writing lately--I am not sure if Quin is dead or merely sleeping... I do know I find a great deal to write about, I push words around in my head, then...

...I do nothing.

 Perhaps this will change--perhaps it won't.  I do know I found a wonderful quote today on Facebook:
"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."
— Marilyn Monroe
Thank you, Marilyn.  I think your candle did burn out long before it should.


Josie said...

It was good to see you posting an update, I am glad that you are healing from the struggles of recent times, and that being at home proves a peaceful place to re-center. I hope we will hear more from you in the days to come. You are an excellent writer and you have been missed.

austere said...

It is good to see you write.Hiberate, but return, pls.
Missed you.
Am glad about the bridges.
Step after step.

Peter Varvel said...

Great quote! And I'm glad to read about the mending of bridges . . .
I have a lot to learn from you, I see (reluctant pupil, though I may be).

vinny said...

I hope things get better for you. And I hope Quin'll be back with frequent posts.