Friday, August 8, 2008

Life After 40

On a blog I read, an unsent email was posted that caught my eye.

The writer is 24, and she spoke of having women reaching their sexual prime at 40...

I have to comment on letter, on women coming into their 'prime' at 40. Is it a sexual prime, or, is it more an acceptance of who we are as women, a feeling of comfort in our own skin, making it living life in it's prime? A realisation we don't really care who likes or doesn't like us anymore... a sense of not being bovvered (thanks Catherine Tate!) by very much, therefore, we aren't hampered by worries of comparisons anymore, so, we smile, and jump happily into the world, including a sexual world, thrilled with all that it entails?

As a mature woman, I find myself more involved with the things I find interesting, I don't concern myself with people that drain me, I devote myself to those I love, to things that are important to me, I understand time is not my friend...I'm not focused on the party scene, I want to have a place of comfort for the man I would be involved with, and focus on those needs... flirting is a waste of time and an insult to the person I am with... I know what I want, what I need. I also know I am okay on my own, so, anyone in my life is there because I choose to have a relationship, not because I feel something is missing otherwise.

When a woman does get involved, I think we are more focused in many ways...not as raw in our emotions. There is more depth in a sense. We project a very real sense of comfort, security, acceptance.. of both self and the person we are with... there isn't that game playing, of trying to compete with everyone around, we are past all of that. Set, settled, secure. We are women, not girls, not trying to figure out life.. we've done it, and we are delighted to share what we know. There is a sense of ease, of comfort, of texture, of richness in all we have to offer... women over 40 have learned to enjoy life, including sex, to embrace it, to welcome what it has to offer. We are fearless.

Granted, there are some who reach this place earlier, and some who never do... I am speaking from a personal place, from my own perspective, from those women in my life who are, indeed, fearless, content, good with being 40 and very sensual in that space. Ask the men in their lives if you don't believe me... we may have Advil next to our beds, but, that doesn't stop us from enjoying ourselves in those beds.

It's odd... I find myself being told I look better now than I did ten years ago. I believe it's the acceptance of who I am, and being quite content with that person.

I wouldn't be in my 20's or 30's again for anything.... I wasn't very good at life back then...but, enjoy it, those of you who are. And to those of my generation?

Rock on, ladies, rock on.


austere said...

No, I wouldn't want to be in my 20's or 30's either.

I was very bad at breakups- histrionics and weeps fit to win the Oscars.

Now I'm glossily polite, thank you very much.

Getting there.

harrietv said...

One could say that I'm not of your generation. I'm of the one before (not quite old enough to be your mother, but...)

No one at 25 can imagine what life will be like at 40 or 50. I have written elsewhere how I was younger at 40 than at 30. Even at 65 I was an active happy woman, monogamous, so there are some things on which I won't comment.

It took severe medical difficulties to make me old, and I still believe I will recover. It's a frame of mind that the 20-year-old can't begin to understand.

Anonymous said...

The blog you linked to is a self centered girl who will never go beyond being a girl. She doesn't 'get' it that being 40 isn't about better sex. It is about about being a mature woman. Like you said, "Rock on, ladies!". You, Quin, are one of those ladies.

Cormac Brown said...

Go Quin, it's your birthday!

Anonymous said...

if YOU are in your 40's, then i am the king of siam. and if you look better now than 10 years ago (when you were in your 40's) then, jesus christ you must have been a 3-bagger back then! sorry, just speaking the truth.

Therapeutic Ramblings said...

Insightful. In our late 20's most are still finding our niche (myself included).

Quin Browne said...

i don't block anon comments... it's censorship..

i've only deleted a few in my time online, and those came from the same source as the second anon comment; a message board i post on once in a bit.. someone there managed to track me down via a bit of internet stalking, and posts here on occasion, you can tell his posts by the kind comments he leaves.

as far as the other anon comment.. thank you for the nice "you go!"... and i have to say for my blogging buddy, bee.. she's gone through a lot in the time i've read her, i've watched her grow and move on, and i do think she will be one of those women, trust me.

the rest.. yeah, the 20's are when you set that bedrock, i think. and i would NEVER go back. not even for the firm ass i had back then.

Bud said...

I agree. I wouldn't go back. But I get irritated by those who look down at my age. So I routinely lie about it so that they don't have such a hard time with it.

Quin Browne said...

bud, you mean, you AREN'T 28?


vinny said...

Rock on.

Bill From Gainesville said...

I love me some forty plus year old women. -- I also love em in their late twenties, early thirties, late thirties. I just love women --
So here is to women and they do rock.
also, That Anon guy is pretty much a dickweed.

the Constantly Dramatic One said...

"....flirting is a waste of time"

That hurts Quin...that really hurts. =p

Anon is a spiteful little he-bitch isnt he?

Quin Browne said...

vinny~i plan on it

bill~women love men who love women

cd~for me, yes, because i can't do it with style unlike you... : )

Peter Varvel said...

Quin, I loved this post!
I don't know if my 30's were my sexual prime, but it was when I started to truly feel comfortable in my own skin, so I appreciate the things you're saying here.
You will always rock on in my life.

Anonymous said...

Great post, Quin. You put it so well.

As for the second anon guy, I said before he was obviously a coward who deserves no consideration of any kind, and that still goes.

Rock On, Girl!

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