Friday, March 14, 2008

Shut UP!

Me. Me. Me.

I think I've ridden the Ferry more this week than I have in a month, bringing me into contact with more than a few people who surpass those who expose their personal lives in blogs and online journals everywhere. Who give up sex lives, marital problems, banking details, discussions with their doctors and basic gossip to the world around them. Indeed, "...millions of gasping little voices"

I am talking about the cell phone user.

More and more, people appear to believe when they are on their mobile phones, they are encased in a secure bubble, that blocks out everyone else... the way Cate Blanchett mentions when, as Elizabeth I, she turns to a suitor and says, "I pretend there is a piece of glass between all of them and myself." It's that "I am invisible" belief drivers who pick their noses or sing off key with the window open have.

People discuss anything and everything in huge crowds, in loud voices.... things I would go into my bathroom and shut the door to discuss (even though I live alone)....with no regard at all to those of us who don't want to hear, those who are offended by the conversations, amused by the conversations or those who strain their necks trying to hear as many as possible.

Those people will not be named in this journal.

In one morning, I heard a man ask the woman on his phone if he, "...... take the time to come up there, baby, and I'm keeping it real here, am I going to get the best fuck of my life? 'Cause I hear you want me in your (insert a graphic word) bad."

There was the woman discussing her upcoming hysterectomy with her mother. In graphic details.

The banker who told another he was pretty sure a large number of banks would be failing in the next two years. (There goes my $47.52 in savings!)

The girl screaming at her boyfriend, in words I'd never heard... although I did take notes for later use, just in case.

Phones ring, and you hear, "Hello? Hello? Hello?" The phone is shaken.... come on people.. the only electronic device to work when you shake it is a laptop.... then, "Hello? HELLO??" At this time, I want to lean over and say, "I don't think they are there." But, who am I to ruin a good time for the person who obviously likes saying "Hello?".

There are beep rings, buzz rings, bell rings... 8472 kinds of song downloads. "Hello?" is said in a number of voice tones and accents.

And, they all share their private business. The worse offenders are the ones who feel the need to use the walkie talkie thingy (technical term) so we can hear both sides of a conversation we really, really don't want to hear.

Somehow, I'm not that interested in how he did you wrong by going to your girlfriends house and getting up on her booty and then she was in your face. Or something like that.

With a blog or online journal, I have the option of finding these things and reading them. Phone conversations are all around me, washing over me, filling my ears with words I don't want to hear, in languages I don't understand.

I am in E.A. to begin with.... Eavesdropper's Anonymous. I have a hard enough time not leaning and listening to things that are unique and worthy of note taking.

You discussing with your Aunt Louby how you passed your kidney stones, isn't.

Trust me.

Our Neville Fact:

Our Margaret refuses to allow the grandchildren to wear their shoes in her house. She takes great pride in the hardwood floors, and the handloomed rugs made by nuns who live in a convent off the coast of Malabar. They must wear only cotton socks, and walk around the rugs, which have plastic runners on them for the times one must step foot on them. When no one is around, Margaret takes off her shoes and stockings, and runs her toes in the dense wool, while drinking a cup of tea, and reading M.M. Kaye.


Peter Varvel said...

GURL, where are your iPod earbuds to drown out the rest of the annoying, inconsiderate, irritating, thoughtless, trashy world?

austere said...

I read that completely arrogant piece, was amused to see it was after all, published on a blog, oh my! great heavens! - and refused to comment on words strung together.

The last time I cared about anyone's opinion- in this case a blanket opinion- was in class five. Which was a long time back.

I take half heard cell conversations and spin a story, the gorier the better. But loud temple ring tones are completely the worst.

Solomon Broad said...

Get some cheap earphones, and just tuck the end in your jacket. Nobody is going to know that there isn't an ipod attached to them.

And I completely agree with you regarding mobile phone conversations. When I get someone at work, who is using one while I'm serving them, I completely stop what I'm doing until they get off the phone.

constant drama said...

"Like Omigawd, if you dont like what I'm wearing than you, we should like you know, break up."

"I got so trashed this weekend. I was so pissed drunk and then my friend gave me a joint and then I smoke some and then I got even more wild and then I was like oh god and then..."

"My dad is a bastard. He wont gave me that marroon ferrari I asked for. Like what the fuck is his problem? I know! It's *just* a ferrari."

Conversations you can hear in college when my spoilt college mates are on the phone. Its fucking annoying. But I asked for it when I enrolled into a private college.

But really, agree with you on that whole blog VS phone conversations thing. You choose to read blogs, you dont choose to hear about how that bimbo got trashed over the weekend.

Writeprocrastinator said...

"'Cause I hear you want me in your (insert a graphic word) bad."

Her scrapbook? Because I hear that scrapbooking is becoming really popular in the U.S.

You could join E.A. all day long, they are still going to hold the conversation at a volume level that you can't help but overhearing.

I'm bad with the loudspeaker myself, but that's because my cellphone's ear speaker is lousy.

golfwidow said...

"Hi, Quin."

I love doing the unheard side of cell conversations, just to remind the caller they're not alone.

Caller: It's me?
Me: Who is this? I don't recognize your voice.

And so on.

Once, a woman said to me, very snootily, "ExCUSE me, this is a private conversation."

I looked at her like Meryl Streep in Prada and said, "In a PUBLIC restroom," then left.

inflammatory writ said...

I try not to let the cell chatter bother me, but I draw the line when people are talking on the cell in the bathroom stall. I mean, really people?

Michael Manning said...

Haha! One picking their nose while driving with the window down and singing off key!!!! Enjoy the lunatics!!!!

Bob Clay said...

It is my intention to be the last man on Earth who does NOT have a mobile phone (cell phone to you colonials).

I made this plain in the pub one day, but was then told that when I died, they would have a whip round and buy one to put in the coffin with me.

Ya can't win. Ya can't break even. Ya can't get out of the game.


constant drama said...

Uhhhh btw, I finally did you tag. After what seems like ages.

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