We've known each other for a few years, the Weather Guy and I.
Both of us members of a forum board, we'd post on the same subjects, occasionally pass a message... once, he sent me candy I craved from the UK, where he went on a regular basis to work for his company. I was supposed to send him some peach jam I made... I never got around to it. I actually still have the wrapping with his address on it from the package he sent, still in my address book--the one that is in storage back in the Land O'Utes.
He'd text me photos from wherever he was, with a message, "Hello from (fill in the blank)!" and I'd send one back, "Hello from Utah!". I did send one once, taken from the window of Norma, of the desert between Las Vegas and California, just to shake things up a bit. It was an easy going thing, this occasional passing of text and photos... we'd never spoken nor seen each other.
When I moved to New York, he called... we discussed going out for a drink, built around his insane schedule of work and travel and two sons. Eventually, an evening cleared, and I met him at a pub near Penn Station... there he was, the Weather Guy, and he was sweet and charming and had that level Weather Guy voice.... and he was oh, so, handsome.
I am leery of getting attached to people in any way, shape or form. I do not like opening myself up, nor allowing some bits of me to become part of another person's life. I hold that you don't kiss, because kissing is giving promises you may not be able to live up to, a future you don't know you can give. It is handing over a part of yourself... I was fearful.
The Weather Guy spoiled me. He makes me laugh, he bought wonderful sheets for me, he'd keep his air conditioning on, even when it was cool outside because I can't control my body temperature. He laughs with me, and at me. He tries to explain his job or how to fix a program on my computer... then will say (or text) "You have The Look, don't you?"... and I do... this look of politeness, where I pretend I'm paying attention, but, I left the building around five seconds into the talk. We insist we don't have a relationship, we have... a whatever-it-is-ship. He is one of my best friends.
He was a place I have when things are scary or sad or great or funny or any of those things in the world. We spend hours talking, online or on the phone or into the night.
I grew comfortable with someone in my life for the first time in a very, very long time.
Winds of change blow.... Weather Guy is moving with those winds. He announced to me awhile ago he is going to be working in Europe for a good long time.... starting very, very soon. So soon, I more than likely won't be seeing him again before he leaves.
I had said in the beginning of our whatever-it-is-ship that kissing was not an option.... I was firm, I was polite, I gave my reasons. He respected that, and when we discussed it, said he understood. We've both been hurt deeply, and this was our healing time, I think. I will miss him so much... I miss him now, before he's gone, even with our conversations that still go on every day.... He knows I am lost as to how I will deal with this hole in my life, that I am floundering right now--I know he is swamped with closing up a house, a life, dealing with family and visas and there isn't a minute to spare... and that he is squeezing minutes out of busy days to spend in IM's and fast phone calls with me, doing his best to ease this time for me, while I worry about his stress level and all he has in front of him.
I will miss the horrible, horrible puns, that he cooks!, the good sheets, the kindness, his chuckle, the fact he knows how I like my coffee, his love of music, the amazing whisky, our long conversations about everything, how he taunts me with the C word (don't get all excited, it's Costco), the 47 guitars in the flat, the fact he spells the way I do, that he is a father who would do anything for his boys, his obliviousness to some things, his pin point attention to others, introducing me to different interests I had no idea existed, his dear smile, the fact he is there when I need him--even when he's surrounded by alligators. The Weather Guy voice.
It's not for another two weeks or so.... I want to get this out of the way, in order to set my life back in place. To adjust. You miss people who made a difference in your life, he made a difference in mine, in ways large and small...I will miss his presence just over the water, a train ride away. I had told him kissing was not an option, and he respected that.
I cannot convey how much I regret that decision.