Sunday, November 18, 2007

Gimme a Cup O' Joe, Straight Up!

What happened to just coffee?

The WeatherGuy dropped me off to pick up a cup o'joe while he ran do take care of an errand I didn't need to take part in... the local 7/11 was my destination (let's be honest, it's the only place he can drop me off, and know I'll find my way back.. and even that was with him saying, "Stop looking out the window, pay attention." He's a good guy, the WeatherGuy)

It's cold here today, overcast, perfect for a hot cup o'joe. We'd already had tea, still, I loves my cup o'joe. There were pots and pots and pots of coffee brewing, I knew I'd not have to worry about running out before I got there, even with the line of folk pouring their morning fix.

It was then I focused on the names of flavours on the handles.

Kona. I can do Kona. Decaff. Okay, sometimes I can see Decaff. Extra-Robust. Gotcha. Irish Creme. hmmm, I prefer any kind of flavour to be limited to the creamer, since flavoured coffee starts getting weak.

I like the spoon to stand up in the cup and say, "YES!" when I stir in the sugar.

It was then I noticed.... them. The boutique group. Wild Blueberry. Apple Crumb Cake. Strawberry Creme. Raspberry Chocolate. Blackberry Muffin.

Apple Crumb Cake? Who drinks coffee called Apple Crumb Cake? What do you eat with it, Coffee Ground Muffins to even it out?

What was more amazing is, these pots were going fast.

"Yum! They made Wild Blueberry today!", said a woman in a powder blue track suit to her friend. "I love this stuff!" They both giggled, and poured 24 oz cups, then added sweet and low with skim milk.

Ew.

I think she caught my slight disapproval by the drop jawed, incredulous stare I was wearing, my own pot of 'Dear Lord, Save Me, It's Morning!' coffee tipped to be poured that I'd then season with sugar and 1/2 and 1/2, thank you very much.

Now, that's coffee.

I don't care if people want to drink this stuff, however, I think they should be hidden away, made to sneak about, buy it from dealers. Let them go to the Evil Corporate Giant to get that stuff. Little uber coffeehouses in the Village, where waiters named 'Raoul' or 'Willoughby' take your order, pursing their lips when you stumble over the name of the house special, which in reality is a simple hamburger with fries. Hightail it to a place where you are charged $14 for that cup of coffee, watered down and flavoured with some odd thing. Real coffee drinkers shouldn't have to look at something called Apple Crumb Cake coffee in the morning, nor at any time of the day.

Especially at at 7/11... the last bastion of real coffee in America.

10 comments:

The Bee said...

These boutique coffee flavors are so over-rated. And gross! But I'm a sucker for the chocolate-vanilla-caramel flavors. I'm a caffine junkie. Not good for my health!

A totally unrelated comment...

Thanks for all the love and supoort in recent weeks.

The Bee said...

p.s. The Weatherman better be good to you! Or you know where he'll end up! Don't Date Him Girl!

golfwidow said...

Flavored coffee was a godsend to my mother, who likes different flavors but hates cream in her coffee.

Me, I start to worry when they flavor the coffee. Because you know they're not wasting top-of-the-line beans to be squirted with hazelnut extract.

austere said...

And what about tea?

Thanks for dropping by.

Quin said...

bee~use a flavoured creamer! don't worry about caffeine, i've had it since i was six months, and look at..um, worry. the other thing..omg! that was a hoot!

gw~in total agreement.

austere~that poem was amazing. it was my pleasure to be there. you are correct on teas.. not the herbal ones, but, again, the "why the hell do i want strudel flavoured tea?"

Peter Varvel said...

I have to mix in a ton of Carnation flavored creamer in my daily dose of wake-up juice, since I can't stand the taste of coffee.

I like the desserty ones, but I can't bring myself to buy the Blueberry Cobbler flavor. That's just wrong!

Quin said...

oh, peter, peter, peter

if you want dessert, buy DESSERT.

coffee is supposed to put hair on your chest... just ask my great aunt duck....she had to be waxed once a week

constant_drama said...

I take mine staright up most of the time. I can't stand those people that drink mocha frappacino and day they drink coffee just coz its mocha.

Bitch if it has to be iced down, it aint coffee.

constant_drama said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Quin said...

cd~i have to have cream and sugar, and as iced as mine gets is when it's cold in the cup.