Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Frank and Nova

I'm used to a small dog.

This is something Frank and Nova aren't.

They are a breed you don't see too often in the US; Belgian Shepherds... large, long haired (some versions) faithful, bigass dogs. Big barks, big feet, long snouts, big teeth. I've gone from a small terrier to these dogs that are almost as tall as I am when they stand on their hind legs.

Frank and Nova are cousins, and totally different in personalities. Nova is a complete attention whore. She presses against you, loving in her manner, letting you believe you are her total world, the center of her universe. She lays against your legs, looking lovingly at you with her black eyes, wallowing in whatever bits of love you give her... rubbing your feet against her body, caressing her ears, scratching her head, she is there for you... your own dog, yours for life.

Until she sees someone else.

She sidles over to Loo, who is sitting on a stool from her position by me, glances over to see if I've noticed she has now abandoned me, and leans slightly foreward.

Loo lightly touches the ear closest to her.... presto, chango! Nova goes from an upright position to flat on her back, all legs in the air, with this, "Yes, do me, do me NOW!" look.

See? Total attention whore. Her affection is bought by the stroking of any part of her body by whomever is closest to her, and she will shoot a look of smugness to the person who has stopped petting her from her leaning-against-them-because-they-are-her-new-god place with the new person.

She has no real loyalty in the petting arena.

I do find comfort in knowing she'd protect all of us, forgoing a good scratch behind the ears or a rubbing of her belly from a stranger who was breaking in... still, you'd like to think she actually cared for you.

She doesn't.

Nova is your basic dog, she's housebroken, well trained, her only peccadillo being she will not settle at night, therefore, she's locked in the kitchen area with the 30lb cat, Cat. Frank, on the other hand, is the Niles Crane of the dog world.

Frank has a short list of what he's not neurotic about.

We have to feed Frank in a plastic bowl--his tags hitting a metal one frighten him to the point of being anorexic. He will not go near shiny tile flooring. In the Old Parsnip, this was an issue...the kitchen had shiny tile floors, therefore, Frank never went into the kitchen. He'd cower on the edges of the room, his ears back, his eyes begging you to not make him go near the evil floor that was smooth and stuff. Here, in The Very, the tiles are dull--except in Frank's mind.

We coax him, cajole him, sternly command him to 'COME HERE, FRANK!". Frank is convinced those matte finish tiles will change the minute he steps on them, and therefore, he refuses. He'll moan deep in his throat, looking yearningly at everyone in the kitchen, Nova being caressed by one and all, his beloved Ev just beyond his reach. Oh, yes, this is a great trial for Frank, who could use some serious meds and couch time.

His plastic food bowl is set near the back door, with rugs near it to allow him to eat. Should the rugs be moved accidentally... or if I'm bored...Frank will stand will all four feet firmly placed on the rug, and lllllllleeeeeeeaaaaaaannnnnnn with his neck stretched out as far as possible, picking up his kibble with his lips, sighing in relief as he pulls his head back, retreating to the pretend wood floor in the hall to consume his meal, one bite at a time. If he's not fast enough, Nova (who has sucked down her food in record time) will finish it for him. Again, he will stand by, looking pained while she chomps away, moving to the lounge to slump down, sighing in defeat and hunger.

He will climb on your bed, shape shifting to leave it when caught, always with that pained look...

Fearful of the different flooring, he's trapped as to where he'll go... he will enter the front hall, but, not the hall to the office, even though they are connected, and contain the very same flooring material.

Go figure.

He's afraid of that hallway..... we don't know why.

Frank is also afraid of whatever lies beyond the doorway. He will attack the door when someone knocks or rings the bell... fierce bellowing barks, throwing his massive body at the wooden barrier that stands between him and the intruder. Open the door, and he is still the warrior, defending his home.

Try getting him to cross that doorway.

Ain't gonna happen.

He is also afraid of the vacuum, the broom, the mop, and fast movements, and yesterday, he became afraid of the clothes drying rack when it fell on him.

They shed, they bark, they leave piles of poo as big as Camden Town..they bark at the neighbors, people at the door, the wind, a leaf falling.... and when you have a putrid throat and cold, they are happy to keep you warm.


golfwidow said...

Those dogs probably crap bigger than the terrier.

But they are so cute.

Anonymous said...

My partner has a Rottie and a Labrador. When it's my turn to walk them I use plastic grocery bags to scoop the poop. They literally fill up 1/3rd of the bag!

One passerby pointed out their turds were the size of Snickers Bars. Yummy!

constant_drama said...

Big dogs scare the bejesus out of me. I saw a schoolmate got bitten by a dog back in elementary school hence scarred for life now.

So no, no matter how could you make them sound...yeah still scares the hell out of me.

austere said...

I think Frank was a cat in his last birth.Is he snooty? Sometimes?

You've made them come alive, the darlings.

Bud said...

They are cute but thanks for reminding me once again why I gave up pets years ago.

Quin said...



cd~i can understand that...oddly, small dogs do more damage.

a~no, he's too afraid of snooty.

bud~i remind myself daily..should i die, they will eat my face first. always practice falling forward.

Writeprocrastinator said...

"He's afraid of that hallway..... we don't know why."

The Ghost of Figgy Puddings Past.

I saw him on the History Channel.

Or was it the Travel Channel?

Can't remember.

Actress Andrea said...

This post made me smile. :) Anyone with pets enjoys laughing over their idiosyncrasies: whether it's the size of their poo, how they pee (mine does on three legs in fear on getting it all over her fourth) or how they converse with humans (barking, whining, etc.) Ahhhh...the wonders of man's best friend!!!


Peter Varvel said...

I must have been a dog in a formal life and/or it seems I inhabit "dog spirit," cuz I too, am a total attention whore, and I'll let practically anyone touch me.

I constantly crave tactile interaction!

Quin said...

wp~i wouldn't be surprised if it was the fp.


pv~i'll pet your head when it's time to do the scary things on tar!