Tuesday, August 7, 2007


I'm shifting slowly back into my old life.

When I park, I look for a close spot...no more walking for this woman... it's the, "Who is in my parking spot?" routine once again.

The idea of trudging the length of two city blocks causes me to slump over the wheel and moan in irritation. A week ago, I briskly walked six blocks each way to and from the train from my Little Apartment in the Projects. Now, I don't want to go more than six parking spaces into WalMart (ohhrah!).

I run all my errands in one fell swoop. If I forget something, it waits until the next day... once home, I'm home for the day. I simply can't be bothered to go back out from my barn sub-let.

I had to go up a flight of stairs today, to see my insurance agent. I heaved a sigh. A week ago, I briskly walked up five flights at least twice a day.

I'm growing...soft.

I can breathe fresh air, the water isn't yellow... I was afraid to drink it at first, to be honest. I mean, who drinks clear water? At night, it's eerily quiet. If I shut off the swamp cooler, there isn't a sound... once in awhile, the cows moo or a horse nickers.. otherwise... black night and dead noise.

I can't sleep.

Sure, I'm loving the $5 movies and the cheap plays and the friends I've not seen and the time with my daughter and my hours in WalMart, where they switched everything around, so, I've been entertained seeking out my old areas, looking for DVD's, books... re-mapping the place in my head.

I love the fact the big meteor shower next week will be crisp and clear for me, no lights to hinder the over 100 hits an hour expected to be seen. We have no city lights out here, just a few homes that send out soft light a few hundred feet around them. It will be a simple feat to sit outside on the patio and watch a great show put on by the Universe.

I miss New York. I have some major issues to deal with here... my house, putting it on the market, reshifting things in storage, the wedding on Friday... selling Norma.

With luck, I'll be off hiatus beginning of September... without luck, mid September.

I just hope I don't forget how to sleep with noise and lights in my face and I hope I don't get too used to having the stars right outside my window again.

That really is always the hardest thing to leave behind when I go.


The Cajun Boy said...

isn't that funny how that will happen when you get out of the city...reverting back to that "i've gotta find the parking spot closest" to the entrance mentality. i do it all the time!!!

golfwidow said...

It's nice to see how fast you adjust, though. Very Darwinian of you.

Buffy said...

I sooooo know these feelings.

pistolah said...

I too am looking forward to the meteor shower on monday.

BobClay said...

Perseids. From the constellation Perseus (Harry Hamlin in the movie ..).
Sometimes I miss Ray Harryhausen.

Hope you get a good show.

Amber said...

Isn't it weird how you automatically shift back into old habits, old routines, old attitudes, etc. when you go back to the place you called "home" for so much of your life?

No matter how confident I get/feel, or sexy, or successful, or anything else I get when I move out of my hometown... when I move back, or even go back for an extended visit, it never fails that I revert into a pit of depression because I feel like the girl I once was.

Kind of like how Cinderella must have felt when she had to leave the castle at midnight and she was transformed back into who she was.

I don't really know where I'm going with this now, so I'm going to drop it.

Chin up, though. Once you're back in New York, everything will become "real" to you again and Utah will seem like a dream. Enjoy what you've missed while you can. Indulge the other part of yourself that bemoans six spaces from Wal-Mart. You're two different people in two different places.


LisaBinDaCity said...

I felt that way in Texas. I stopped walking and drove everywhere. And I was really ticked when I couldn't park close to the mall or store or whatever.

How quickly we forget ;-)