Monday, August 13, 2007

The Curse of the Farm


Plain and simple...flies.

I am not one to smush bugs, it's the whole squish factor that gives me the shudders...the bits of guts and stuff lying there, waiting to be picked up by a piece of paper. The crunch of a body as you hit it with the newspaper (usually forgetting you've not read that section, therefore ruining any chance of reading it later).

Here, I dash in and out of the little red sub-let, trying to beat the hordes of flies that seem to think their place is inside, with the terrier and I. There is nothing for them to even consider eating... looking around, all you can see are papers and my heels from the wedding. You think they'd rather join their 47 gajillion buddies out there crawling on cows and sheep and horses and their leavings.

In various places, they've hung jar like contraptions.... full of some liquid that lures the flies to come and taste. Once inside, they fall into said liquid and drown. The plus side is, it kills a shitload of flies. The downside is...they are transparent, so, you get to see this gallon jar full of dead fly bodies.

There's a job I wouldn't want.

There are a number of jobs I wouldn't want... shoveling manure (done that), cleaning a septic tank, being a dental hygienist, having to tell a director his film is over budget.

And emptying the jar o'flies.

Tonight, however, I'll be lying out on the lawn, viewing the light show... thankful the flies go to sleep at some point. Until then, I'll make a half hearted attempt to swat them, not sure if I'm happy or not when I miss.

Okay, I'll be honest... I'm glad when I miss.

It's the squish factor. ew


R said...

The worst is when someone says WOW, doesn't that look like...? or EWW that crunch sounded just like...

and it sticks in your brain and ruins whatever ... is.


Quin said...


BobClay said...

I usually try to discuss the merits of aerodynamics with them. Pointing out that tricky flight manouvres are much easier to perform outside the house in the wide blue yonder.

This goes on for about 20 minutes, then I splatter the little bastards with an elastic band.

lisa nance said...

Hi, I was watching Alton Brown's show 'Feeding on Asphalt' on the Food Network. He and his crew are riding motorcycles along the Missippi River (south to north) and stopping in different locations to eat. At one particular location near New Orleans, Louisiana he stopped at a fish market that serves up crawfish. Hanging from the ceiling were tied bags filled with water and a few pennies. He asked the chef what they were for and he was told they were there to keep flies away. Alton seemed a bit confused by that and asked if it was voodoo, to which the chef replied that he did not know, but only knew it worked to keep the flies away.
At least with the bags being tied you don't have to worry about dispensing drowned flies.
It's also an alternative to the squish factor. HAHA
And, as The Husband would say, those flies were once your mother in a past life.
Congratulations to your daughter on her marriage!!!

golfwidow said...

When you swing and miss at a bug, they come back and take revenge while you're sleeping.

Also, if you just let them go, they get bigger.

I know, rationally, that none of this is not true, but I believe it anyway because who said I have to be rational about bugs?

Bud said...

I'm back. Yeah the squish and crunch factors are a bitch, aren't they? Still, I hate the fuckers so I swing away.

Quin said...

bob~feel free to come talk to this lot

lisa~i'm from new orleans, and i'm going to try that one

gw~that made me feel SO much better

bud~welcome back!

modelbehavior said...

I'll admit there are even flies here in paradise. REALLY unfortunate. I hate em.