Monday, May 26, 2008

Indiana Jones~In The Beginning

I have to get this out of my system.
Beware, there are spoilers.


(Opening shot: Two multi talented, wealthy film director/screenwriters, once again discussing their oft discussed collaboration to follow the successful Indiana Jones and The Temple of Doom in the falling dusk of a northern California summer.)

George: We have to do something.... Harrison isn't getting any younger. And did you see that commercial he did about the Amazon forest? There goes any chance of a topless shot. I mean, he had his chest waxed!

Steve: I winced when I saw it on youtube. But, yeah... something. Connery hung up when I called him. We have to go with the father/son thing on the other side. He's too old to stick with Nazi's... I like Nazi's as the bad guys, and what religious thing can we use now?"

George: I've been thinking... we could go Cold War, use Cate... I love the whole Louise Brooks look, and I always had a thing for Natasha Baddenoff from Rocky and Bullwinkle. Area 51, Nevada..... "

Steve: Wait a minute, you've got something there. I've got set stuff left over from ET and Close Encounters... some plot lines I didn't use...

George: There's a definite group of script pages I have from Star Wars, for Yoda. Frank Oz is busy, but, I have the rights to the lines. I think we are on to something. We can really cut costs, and Kathleen will love that!

Steve: FUCK!! Let's go all the way!! I loved Tarzan... use him, too! And Phantom, we'll use Phantom!!

George: Listen to this one, "They live in the spaces between spaces". Huh??? Huh??? Pure gold.

Steve: Fuck, George... that rocks. Whoa, we can even have him fly though...get this..atomic explosion...and, Indy flies through the air in a fucking lead lined ice box!!

George: Steve! Brilliant! Oh, and toss in a flash of the 'Ark'... call the son, wait..Mutt!! Tie in the dog name thing!! Pass the bong...and call Karen Allen. We'll get her cheap.

(they high five and smile as the sun sets over the hills to the west)

My rankings? Indiana Jones 1,3,4.... never see 2.


coastrat said...

Lordy, Lordy, you are the word wizard of imagination!!! This is brilliant! And did you know, when the Wyoming sequences were filmed for "Close Encounters..." I was the ranch foreman of one of the two ranches the movie was filmed on at Devils Tower? And my wife (pregnant as she was with our second born), and my best friend out there, were both extras during the filming there! It was cool to watch the helicopters fly around the tower at dusk with their search lights on.

Bill From Gainesville said...

This movie was like when a relationship ends for awhile, but then the two of you hook up one more time afterwards. You remember all the great mind blowing sex from before when you were together and then this time it just doesnt work out correctly and you feel bad about doing it in the present tense because something is missing, it was like a total pity fuck on Lucas's part. Sure you have the sex, but in the end its not how you remember it used to be. My 7 and 11 year old children loved it though, but of course they never had sex before either, so what do they know

Bill From Gainesville said...

P.S. My kids sat in their seats and watched the whole movie and really enjoyed it, me on the other hand, I was running around the place hollering and throwing popcorn and stuff. --

Quin Browne said...

cr~i await details

bill~we are on the same page.

bill2~i hope you had nightmares.

V. said...

Brilliant speculation on the review. My friend Kelby summed it up like this:

"See I don't need Indy in my Sci-fi; or Sci-fi in my Indy."

I really think that George Lucas had a bet with each other that people are stupid and will see anything.

Writeprocrastinator said...

"Indy flies through the air in a fucking lead lined ice box!!"


Peter Varvel said...

"Pass the bong . . ."
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Steve 'n George said...

Not the worst thing you've written about possibly the worst thing we have.