It makes no difference what arrangements were made, how you viewed us compared to how I viewed us... I do not suffer any less for that. Two beings came into each others lives and settled there, seeking warmth, comfort...seeking the belonging all humans desire. I offered all that I was, opened handed, fearful, brave in the attempt. In the dark, sex-scented night, I told my secrets and cherished yours. You took, grew strong in the safety of my love, finding your feet, your confidence once more. Abruptly, there is another, whose presence opens my eyes, letting me discover you are so selfish, so absorbed in your needs and wants... I find I never had a name or a niche in your life.
I. Did not. Exist.
Knowledge that left me stunned, puzzled, struggling with my new label of 'non-entity'. I ache at night... body, mind, heart, soul...annihilated by the question no one ever answers satisfactorily in any situation: