Friday, July 6, 2007

Money....Never Enough


It's a drag.

Between now and the end of the month, I have to come up with a gazillion dollars.

I've a wedding to help pay for, a dress for said wedding.. and not just any dress, but, the Mother of The Bride dress, a plane ticket for both myself and the terrier, spending money while I'm in the land of Utes, spending money for my side trip to L.A. to visit my brother, D and his lovely wife, my bills, shoes to go with the Mother of The Bride dress, oh, yes, and food.

Now, if I forgo the last item, that will put me into a smaller dress. It will also make a nice show when I weave down the aisle faint from hunger since I'll have consumed what body fat is left in my ass.

I am not the gazelle like creature I wish I was. My daughter, HRH, the soon to be bride, is swanlike, with perfect proportions, having taken the time upon her conception to pick and choose the strands of DNA that she wanted. No, I am no gazelle. I am more on the musk ox build, short waisted and difficult to fit when it comes to dresses....especially those dresses. You know, the Mother of The Bride dresses.

It's a 6P wedding, so, not afternoon, not really evening. I can go short or long on the length of the dress.

It's finding the dress that's killing me.

They all seem to be made of polyester, in pastel shades of pink or lavender or blue or some particular green that makes me heave. They have little jackets with sparkly things on them, short sleeves that make my white arms look a bit like a mutated thin veal sausage. I don't like polyester. I firmly believe that polyester causes cancer (oh, wait... I have that) and rickets. The poor underpaid migrant workers who pick polyester out in the hidden fields in the wilds of South Dakota are riddled with diseases caused by touching the untreated polyester plants. You find colours not found in nature rampant in polyester materials. All of them hanging in Macy's, with a woman who coos at me, saying, "You'll look stunning in this!"

No, I won't.

No, I don't.

I tried Century 21. I'm still laughing over their selection. First of all, I'd have to walk to Utah after paying for it, and secondly, well.... I'd kind of like it to look like a real dress, know what I mean?

The upside is, it's July, so, all the winter fashions are in the stores, and the summer frocks are going on half off...I may find a bargain somewhere.

Now, if I can only find something that's cotton or silk, not in an odd shade, and that doesn't make me look like a musk ox in drag.


Amber said...

Ugh... dress shopping can be the total pits! Best of luck to you with that!!

*cough* glad it's not me *cough*

Your daughter is beautiful. I hope she's absolutely sure about this marriage... she just seems awfully young for such a huge step.

Why did no one tell me that we could pick and choose which parts of our DNA we wanted?!?!

Don't you dare forgo food! I know you were jesting, right?

I don't know why you can't just wear a nice pantsuit or something. That would be fantastic! No? :)

golfwidow said...

Try shopping online. I got my outfit for my brother's wedding at It was reasonable, comfortable, and looked smokin'.

Irish and Jew said...

Did you try Lord and Taylor?


Quin said...

amber~no on the pantsuit. i am the mob. and not just because i'm part sicilian

gw~i'll have a look

jew~ohhhhhhh, didn't think about them. i think i have something nice enough to wear there to shop.

Verminous Countenance said...

Not to sound like greggers but your daughter is beautiful!

I don't mind clothes shopping for myself, but my wife is one of those women that thinks nothing looks good on them woe is me.

Bud said...

Still another blatant example of why is sucks to be female. I'd just rent a tux. Why can't women have rent-a-dresses?

Quin said...

verm~ thanks. she did get the good genes...and she's the one he lusts after. ha!

amber~it's not your turn, YET

bud ~ actually, you can rent them. my ex sister in law rented her vera wang wedding dress. it lasted longer than the marriage.

LisaB said...

Good luck with the dress! Mother of the bride dresses that don't look like something Mamie Eisenhower would wear are quite difficult to find. Or so I've been told.

Quin said...

oh, that made me laugh