I never know what to say when someone has a death in the family.
Recently, Mrs S had her mother-in-law die. I knew when she called me it had happened... I just kept talking away, instead of asking my usual question, and finally, she said, "Don't you want to know why I called?"
No, not really. I didn't want to have to face that entire thing of what to say, what to do, how can I help? When my father died, I was hard pressed to accept help from friends, grateful to have it, but, I shied away from anyone being there. I didn't know how to just say, "yes".
When I was back in the Land O'Utes, the Sisterwife's aunt became ill, and she traveled back to see her, knowing it would be the last time, preferring this over going back for a funeral.
It was a good time, spent with family, seeing the aunt, retelling stories. She tells a great story about this aunt, one I will not share because it's not mine to tell here... but, a story that makes me laugh very hard and long, especially when the Sisterwife tells it... her facial expressions and voice taking on the characteristics of another, it shows her great talent as an actor.
Her aunt died yesterday, before she had to suffer any more indignity from the harsh disease that had suddenly laid claim to her. Before she had to go though the rigours of chemotherapy, something that would have caused her great pain, misery, and would not have prolonged her life for any huge period of time.
Love was sent to my dear friend, to her mother, to her family. A candle was lit last night, with a prayer to go with it... I was raised that the smoke carries the prayer to God, and keeps the person and the prayer in His presence.
I don't know what else to do... we never really do, in the end. Harper Lee said it best, in my book of all books, To Kill a Mockingbird; "Neighbors bring food with death and flowers with sickness and little things in between."
I cannot bring her food, only send my deep love and prayers for her and her family...and I'll hold a memory of a good story told well.
Of a woman I never met, by a woman I know... and with that, she'll live on in our lives.
That's all we really want, isn't it? To live on in someone's life, in someone's words.
It's what I ask for, what I hope for, what we all, I think, really want and need.