Sunday, October 14, 2007

We Are What We See

A year ago, I was a size 16.

Okay, let me be honest... I was a tight 16... I was a 16 when I put my jeans on and they were slightly damp and I laid down on my bed and zipped them and didn't breathe for awhile. Small animals made shelter in the rolls created by this.

Then, I got cancer.

And, I moved to New York.

Between the two, I'm a size 8. Because of the in your face body thing we do in this country, I was doing the happy dance. "Look at ME. I'm a size 8!! I eat crap foods! I'm still a size 8!!" You think, in the body definition piece of pie in my meme life, I'd be content.

Well, I'm human, I'm American, and by golly, it's not enough, damnit!! Excuse me while I have some of this ice cream before I finish this rant.

I was folding my jeans down at the Five Star LaundryMat today, a place I have to walk a mile to get to, and I thought, "Wow, my ass is big."

A year ago, I'd have wept to be in a size 8. Wept. Well, not really.... I was too sick to weep, but, you get the picture. Now, I'm bitching it's not small enough.

What is wrong with me? What is wrong with us as a nation? I've looked at young girls and thought they had bad body images, and here I am, as a mature woman, and I'm doing the same thing.

I'm the thinnest I've been in 21 years. Because I walk so much, I continue to lose weight. I'm never going to look waif.ish because of my build... I'm short waisted, with long legs, so, I always look a good bit bigger than I am. And, yes, my legs are long... the WeatherGuy is three inches taller than I am, and my legs are longer than his are. I have no waist. I have a large ribcage. I hate how I'm built, and, even at 138lbs on a 5'7" frame, I think I'm in need of losing weight.

What have we done to ourselves? I look in a mirror and don't see what I should see. Someone who looks fine, and is holding up fairly well under the ravages of time. I can put off using tape to pull any wrinkles up for at least another year or so, and if I push my tongue on the roof of my mouth when I smile, you barely notice my chin(s).

I need to slap myself, and I will... as soon as I finish this Double Chocolate ice cream.

22 comments:

Peter Varvel said...

C'mere, C, M E R E !
I'll slap you, FOR you.
Then we shall polish off whatever ice cream is left, together, before the next course in the junk food diet.

Quin, you can slap me, too--I look at people like Victoria Beckham, and the women on Friends, as role models for how thin I want to be . . . again . . .
"Just keep swimming."

Michael Manning said...

You ask a good question! THe world has changed and in this country people have changed. Forget what TMZ or Entertainment Tonight says. Your health comes first. This thin craze is a serious epidemic that has taken many young lives. Do everything in the name of health because theres only one you! :)

Quin said...

it's insane.

and i don't do healthy, that's the horrid part. i do vitamins, because i figure i don't need scurvy... but, the rest?

i eat new york street food, junk food, and grits.


yes, i just had grits and eggs for supper, and polished it off with a multi vitamin and will have a milky way for bedtime snack.

i'm a baaaaaaaaaad girl.

Quin said...

oh, and peter.. slap me twice, mmmkay?

Actress Andrea said...

Now you know how I feel. :( I'm constantly at odds with my weight - and I just lost 15 pounds after my knee surgery thanks to Jenny Craig!!! But since I've been told I'm not ugly or "character" enough, I have to get down to Skinny Minnie-ville in order to have anyone feel I'm worthy of hiring in the entertainment industry. Add that to the fact that Californian men want the smaller, petite gals. Oh good lord, does any woman stand a chance!?!?

You know I love you, Quin. :) Vent anytime in my direction...

Harriet V said...

This is a sense of faulty measurements (I'm working on a rant). It just happens that you look fabulous.

Enjoy the ice cream. It's a food group, y'know, at least two servings every day. :)

Bud said...

It's a constant struggle. I'm rather short so five pounds on me looks like I'm hiding a bowling ball. But it's all relative.It ain't the meat, it's the motion, it's been said. I mostly want to be healthy and fit so i can continue fully enjoying this illusion we call life. Part of that illusion is that I'm a performer and that people give a shit about how I look. So I stay at it. It does seem pointless to try to convince others about how they should feel about their bodies. People will do what they do.

golfwidow said...

I wish I were more supermodelish sometimes, but I've got bigger fish to fry and serve with tartar sauce, chips, cole slaw, and hush puppies.

Anonymous said...

I have been battling my weight since I was 13. I'm just shy of 26, so half of my life I have been gaining and losing the same 50 pounds. When I am "skinny" (a 6) I am hungry, tired, exhilirated. When I am "fat" (as currently a size 14) I am constantly fighting the voices telling me how horrible I look. Somewhere in between in 8-10 land I feel good physically, but am never satisfied always thinking I could lose a little more (and can't seem to stay there.) I am intelligent. I am a feminist. I know this is insane. But it NEVER ends. And I grew up in a loving household being told how beautiful and smart I was. I look at my short, curvy Irish grandma's and know I will never ever have the "perfect" body. But still, I fall back into the same cycle....sigh...sorry to rant on your blog:-) I just completly understand where you are coming from.
CL

Quin said...

andrea~it irritates me talent isn't first. happily, age seems to overcome that. so, get old. heh.

themom~takes one to know one.

bud~you will grow old and healthy for me

gw~put butter on my hush puppies and pass them over

cl~rant all you want. it's what i'm here for. i know how you feel. well, not how you feel, but, you know, how you feel. *cough*

Mrs. S. said...

If you get skinnier, I swear...I'm gonna...spit...up. Remember? You're already so thin that One could see your "funny bone!?" Please don't make us see all of your other bones too! ;)

Quin said...

mrs s~my 'funny bone'

ha.

ha and ha again.

i'm sitting here, laughing very, very hard.

the look on your face...

ha.

Anonymous said...

Pretty self absorbed, aren't you?

Quin said...

anon! just when i thought you'd gone away. we've missed you

Anonymous said...

Nerve of you, being self-absorbed in your own blog.

Quin said...

ohhhh, beat me, please?

Peter Varvel said...

Hey, Anon,
Let me add to Quin's response: WELCOME BACK!
Where's your blog link?
C'mon! Turnabout is fair play . . . or mutual masturbation.
Or do you only fly solo on that one?
Betcha' I'm more self-absorbed than Quin (especially when it comes to THAT activity--har!).

Quin,
Anon will have to beat through me first, before getting to you, so get in line!

LisaBinDaCity said...

I'm happy for you!

Bitch ;-)

I kid, I kid.

Quin said...

peter~my hero! and, it seems this anon went to another site and had a go.

meh.

lisa~backatcha. heh.

The Bee said...

ANON... Mark my words, we will track you down. No one wants you hear so go to hell. Quin, join me down the street for an ice cream sundae. My treat. :)

Quin said...

bee~(swoon) chocolate? with a cigarette afterwards? wait, people can read this, right? life is good.

Corey's mom said...

so very many of us say the exact same thing, so why haven't the Industries caught on? (they could make more money if they went up a few sizes on the models, and charged a bit more for the extra fabric.)

why are average people made to feel morbidly obese? why, when i was 20# heavier than you and my bones stuck out, was I told that my BMI was dangerously HIGH?