A year ago, I was a size 16.
Okay, let me be honest... I was a tight 16... I was a 16 when I put my jeans on and they were slightly damp and I laid down on my bed and zipped them and didn't breathe for awhile. Small animals made shelter in the rolls created by this.
Then, I got cancer.
And, I moved to New York.
Between the two, I'm a size 8. Because of the in your face body thing we do in this country, I was doing the happy dance. "Look at ME. I'm a size 8!! I eat crap foods! I'm still a size 8!!" You think, in the body definition piece of pie in my meme life, I'd be content.
Well, I'm human, I'm American, and by golly, it's not enough, damnit!! Excuse me while I have some of this ice cream before I finish this rant.
I was folding my jeans down at the Five Star LaundryMat today, a place I have to walk a mile to get to, and I thought, "Wow, my ass is big."
A year ago, I'd have wept to be in a size 8. Wept. Well, not really.... I was too sick to weep, but, you get the picture. Now, I'm bitching it's not small enough.
What is wrong with me? What is wrong with us as a nation? I've looked at young girls and thought they had bad body images, and here I am, as a mature woman, and I'm doing the same thing.
I'm the thinnest I've been in 21 years. Because I walk so much, I continue to lose weight. I'm never going to look waif.ish because of my build... I'm short waisted, with long legs, so, I always look a good bit bigger than I am. And, yes, my legs are long... the WeatherGuy is three inches taller than I am, and my legs are longer than his are. I have no waist. I have a large ribcage. I hate how I'm built, and, even at 138lbs on a 5'7" frame, I think I'm in need of losing weight.
What have we done to ourselves? I look in a mirror and don't see what I should see. Someone who looks fine, and is holding up fairly well under the ravages of time. I can put off using tape to pull any wrinkles up for at least another year or so, and if I push my tongue on the roof of my mouth when I smile, you barely notice my chin(s).
I need to slap myself, and I will... as soon as I finish this Double Chocolate ice cream.