Saturday, June 23, 2007

i showed her

quin left me alone today.

she had to work on her moooooooooovie. a film, and she had things to do, and i couldn't come with her. a film, ohhhhh. big deal. what do i know, i don't see colors. see? that proves this is the terrier talking, i don't use capitals and i write like an american, not one of those stupid english people even though i'm a west highland terrier.

take that, you damn scotties.

she left me alone.

while she was gone, i showed her.

that little bag of sunflower seeds i've walked around with in my mouth and buried in her clothes for the last three weeks? that habit she thought was so cute and clever?

i ripped that sucker apart and spread them from one end of this miserable hot sub-let to the other.

she doesn't have a broom, and she had to get on her hands and knees to pick them up. i followed her around and pushed them under the sofas to make it harder. it's difficult to get angry with me when i make my little button eyes sparkle and wag my cute tail.

oddly, she managed to yell anyway.

i pulled all of the clothes she'd folded off the plether sofas, and rolled in them. i think plether is made from thundercat skin. it smells like it. next, i jumped on the coffee table think, and pushed everything over, including the junk she puts in her hair to make it not all fuzzy... it's a gel, and it went over papers and stuff. i stepped in it, then, went back to the clean clothes.

she'd left the air conditioner on, to cool off the bedroom... i managed to push the door open. sometimes, it doesn't latch very tightly... up on the bed, pillows on the ground, then, i left the door wide open. the room was warm, the air conditioner ran for nothing, and her ocd made up bed was rumpled.

by the time she arrived home, i was pretty worn out, to be honest.

oh, and i pooed on the floor.

i saved my last trick for last, because i want her to know to never leave me home again.

i figured out how to push the chair over to the table, climb on it, get to the stove, walk over the edge of the sink, and push my open bag of dog food over. she leaves the window open, because as a dog, i won't jump out. i have depth perception. a stupid cat would leap out at the birds that fly by, i bark, but know i'd kill myself if i jump.

i'm thinking she wishes i'd jumped today.

4 comments:

golfwidow said...

I have heard that we are no longer allowed to say, "Bad dog!" and now must say, "Be a better dog!"

No word as to whether we are obligated to include the word "please" in the above admonishment.

Quin said...

mine was along the lines of "you'd make a nice pair of gloves"

Verminous Countenance said...

LOL, bad little doggie. It's hard to get mad at the big ones too, trust me.

Andrea St. Clair said...

Oh no!!!! Sounds like the time my dog (when a puppy) needed "puppy prozac" because of severe separation anxiety. She tore through most of the door jams in the house.