After pondering my woes on the missent email, smoking far too many cigarettes...that I swore I'd not smoke again, even if this stressed by mails and mortgages....after reading a few emails from friends about relationships and the stupidity of how we tend to yearn for that which is in the past when we are lonely and in new surroundings or when those anniversary times come around...
I realised I'm a putz.
The email was sent, I sounded like some idiot, it's done. I'm in a good place now, and there is this nice guy I talk to quite a bit... he's funny and good and decent and he answers the phone and he keeps in touch and he doesn't play games..well, none I'll discuss here.
If you can't be friends with people you had feelings for, it's a shame...even my ex, whom I used to put the gris gris on... and I speak now and can laugh and talk about things. We're not buddies, we never will be, but, I know I can count on him if I need to...and he's the same. He was very supportive of my coming here, and when I was ill... he was checking on me all the time. Trust me, we had the divorce from hell...so, things can change.
Emails are sent, and perhaps it's the universe and it's way of letting me clear my head and soul for new places in life.
We walk the path set for us, I believe... people placed there for a reason, some we should stay with, some we should let go of... and we don't always make the right decision. It's free will.
Do I believe in love? I'm not sure. But, I believe in hope. That lovely Trojan horse hope. It sucks us in every time.
I'm willing to open it up again.... at some point.