Tricks Of The Trade

They lure you in.

It's Memorial Day, a three day shopping frenzy is on...sales everywhere. You've set yourself a budget, one you must stick with, especially with the financial mess that was created by others.

Walking down the street, steadfast in your resolve to go to Lots-for-Less to return something, you walk with mental blinders...

You simply

will
not
shop

It is an easy thing, not hard like the "I won't email him anymore." or the "Don't have the piece of lemon pound cake with a Coke Zero." kind of thing.

Did I mention the email thing?

I'm walking. I'm avoiding. I'm hot. It's humid. If I had the decent hair of a non-I've-set-off-a-Geiger-counter person, I'd look great with the curls. As it is, it's okay.ish. It's hot, it's humid. Even the fleet's boys in white look limp.

The uniforms.... I'm not thinking about anything else.

And, the stores have their signs.... "BUY TWO, GET ONE FREE!!! 30% OFF! 40% OFF!! FELL OFF THE BACK OF A TRUCK!!" I saw a NYPD officer shopping there while her partner watched the car.

Even the "Buy two get two off the back of a truck and we'll carry them to your house with no tip or delivery charge" didn't sway me.

Here's how they get you....

Air conditioning.

You are sweltering, even in cotton, even in capri pants... you walk past a store, the doors are open...and....

Cold air hits you like a blast of, well, cold air.

"Come inside!", it says. "You don't have to buy anything. Just relax, walk around...touch the pretty things. Get cooled off. We don't want to pressure you...just slide in and look while you feel the cold air circulate around your poor, overheated body."

Bastards.

I'm sure there is somewhere I can wear this black cotton top with the cute buttons. After all, it was 40% off.